Abortion Clinic Story - Edmonton

City of Abortion Clinic/Hospital: Edmonton

By: Name withheld by request

My Story:

I have been in my own prison for so long. Back when I had my abortions at the time, I truly felt there was no other option. I was raised in a Roman Catholic family. I did a lot of drugs back in the day and the first pregnancy I had decided to terminate due to the drugs I had done, and knowing at that time I was no where ready to quit my drug use, so off I went to the Royal Alex. Bless your hearts and souls to the ladies that seen I was struggling and tried to talk me out of. My boyfriend told me if I kept it we would be over.I was so in love I wanted to keep him and did what I had to riddled with guilt the whole procedure. That abortion caused many nightmares in months to come as when they performed the procedure I looked to the side and seen the machine my baby was being sucked into. That haunted me for a long time. I woke up in sweats seeing the abortion doctor at the end of my bed feeling restrained I could not move and only could scream. No one warned me about this. I can tell you many scary things around abortion not many speak about because trust me, I am not proud of my choices. I got clean and started to try to straighten my life out, was still with the same man I got pregnant with the first time, and boom we are preggo again. Well this time I decided I am clean, I am on a better path and abortion is not birth control, so I decided even with the threats from the dad not wanting to be there, to have the baby anyways. Best decision ever, but also set me back recovering from my previous choices...as I seen what comes from making the decision to give life. I believe life starts the moment the heart does. Had done my upgrading and took a biology course and learned so much more about babies in utero. WOW. Now the baby I kept, the dad hated so much that I decided to keep this child he assualted me while pregnant and plotted to hire chicks to beat me so I would lose the baby. He was charged and did time. In that we still shared a child and I knew one day he would either have to face reality or keep running. He came around as I thought he would, making me think we could be a family again, and boom I got preggo one month after the birth of my child. WOW how was I to tell my family the man who assualted me to get rid of the last baby, that I am preggo again by him. The decision for that one was easier because again I had the dad hating me for being preggo, and I could not tell my family that I was preggo. After that I attented a religious retreat, one of the workshops asked us to go to the cross and just ask God to take that one thing away that is tormenting your soul. So I did that, I swore, on my knees, to God I would never ever have another swore, on my knees, to God I would never ever have another abortion if he could just lift off my heart and soul, the guilt, the shame, the torment this has left me in. I felt so good after that weekend. Only to leave and make the mistake of becoming preggo by someone that was not responsible and someone I struggled to commit to a life with forever. So off I went.

This was the worst of them all. I had taken biology, so I had a way better understanding of where the baby was at in development, I had made a promise I was breaking and boy oh boy...I paid. So a few months later I was invited back to the retreat and decided to go. The weekend wasn't bad but I felt horrible knowing I made a promise last time and I broke it. So at the end of the weekend, I am helping to take everything down in our chapel and decided to grab the cross I made a promise to God to...and almost instantly it was as if the devil came right in me and all the good feelings I had accumulated over the weekend was just gone. I had a lady tell me about a really awesome bible study offered for women, at the pregnancy care center in edmonton, who have been through an abortion. So I thought, it must be safe, lets give it a try as at this point in my life, I have more of a conscience, I have two beautiful children, and I was given the gift of life by my own mother who gave me up for adoption. So I beat myself up everyday since I broke my promise. More than any anti abortionist ever could. YOU GET THAT? So about the third session of therapy, I walk in and the therapist hands me a remote and says today we will be showing you a video, it is called the Silent Scream, and it is basically an abortion being performed and you see the babies mouth open and it screams in pain. Well...I tell you...that was a changing moment in my life. I dropped the remote, left that building and walked down Jasper Ave, tears streaming down my face, looking at all the faces passing me by, I decided at that moment I am no better than a cold blooded killer. I am no different than someone who just shoots someone else...but worse...I killed my children not one, not two, but three in a more brutal way than any of us will ever experience. From that day, that moment in the therapy office...I have never been the same, when good things start to happen for me I sabtoge them as I tell myself I don't deserve, basically I am in my own prison, don't know how to reach out, or who to reach out to. I only hope that by sharing this painful part of my history, some girl may come on here really wondering what she should do and she will read this, and perhaps see that at the time it seems like an easy decision but you never know what you will feel years from now. If anything save yourself and the baby pain, and be responsible in your irresponsibilty to give your child a chance at life and not make them pay for your mistake. I dont know if I will ever heal. Some days is good, some days, not so good. I had met the man of my dreams since, thought we would be married and all, we had gotten pregnant and I was exstatic, only to have a miscarrage, I thought perhaps this is my payment for my 3 children I tore apart and discared like nothing. I am so sorry God, I am so sorry to each of you my babies, I am in hell everyday now haunted by my choices and riddled with guilt and would never wish this on my worst enemy...I AM SO SO SO SORRY. I can't even go into a church anymore because I just want to scream at people who judge woman who have made the choices I made...you are not to judge me...only God can do that...so shut the **** up and perhaps pray that they feel forgiveness and find strength to share stories like these without being cast a billion stones. Sometimes other people poor choices can save others from making the same one, so everytime you judge you shut someone like me up and then we get no where. Peace and love to all...My only hope by exposing the darkest secrets of my soul is that in my tragedy...it may just save some lives!!

Note from the website –In encouraging women to share their abortion stories, organized pro-life groups such as ours, are not intending to judge those who have had abortions. We are aware of the heart-wrenching circumstances women face in an unplanned pregnancy. Our hope is that the testimonies will raise public awareness about abortion's emotional, physical, spiritual and relational consequences. Inviting post-abortive men and women to break their silence can lead many to recovery and help many more to avoid the pain and suffering of abortion. Please note that this site includes resources for crisis pregnancy support should you be looking for an alternative to abortion and help should you be suffering from the after effects of abortion. For help in Edmonton, call the Pregnancy Care Centre, 1-877-424-2685, or email info@pregnancycarecentre.ca.

Note from AbortionClinics.ca – If you have a story from your experience in any of the Edmonton Abortion Clinics and you would like to share it you can submit your story here